Supporting an HSP as a Non-HSP: A Practical Guide

Highly sensitive people (HSPs) will find themselves in situations with non-HSPs, whether it be in relationships, friends, families, or at work. Often, HSPs do not feel properly supported or understood by their non-HSP peers. This can serve as a resource to increase understanding of HSPs' struggles and how to support fellow HSPs.

First, it is important to understand HSPs' sensitivity is innate. It is a trait they are born with. The sensitivity can show up in their reaction in overwhelming and/or overstimulating situations. Simultaneously, HSPs tend to notice subtle details, deeply process things, and fiercely care about those around them. 

Factors to be considered and how to help:

• Communication

  • HSPs can be more easily triggered and feel emotionally “flooded”

  • Be gentle and clear in how things are said, i.e., slowing down pace of speech, pausing, and/or using a softer tone

  • Use “I” statements to express feelings instead of blaming the other person

    • Blaming includes criticizing, such as “why are you so dramatic?” These can feel like attacks, resulting in the HSP shutting down

  • Ask for clarification rather than assuming with HSPs since they can experience things more deeply

• Conflict and Conflict Resolution

  • Conflict can be extremely uncomfortable for HSPs, so avoiding it and people-pleasing may be their norm 

  • Timing is essential

    • Avoid big talks when tired, in public, and/or overwhelmed

    • Cover one topic at a time with pauses in between and checking in before moving on, e.g., “Do we want to take a pause before resuming?”

    • Have a signal for pausing, e.g., raising a hand or saying “stop,” especially when feeling overwhelmed

  • Validate first, e.g., “That is very overwhelming…”

  • Inquire how they would like to be supported, e.g., “Do you want space, comfort, or someone to listen right now?”

    • Give a few specific options to prevent more overstimulation from open-ended questions

    • Do not minimize, e.g., “that’s nothing,” or offer advice/solutions right away. It is not helpful when overstimulated

• Boundaries

  • HSPs can struggle with saying “no,” so boundary-setting can be difficult

    • When offering a social invite to HSPs, give an "out" option

    • The following situations can be overstimulating, which can create more fatigue: social gatherings, noisy or too bright environments, or busy schedules

  • Normalize breaks, e.g., “If it gets to be too much, we can always leave early.”

  • Learn the signs of when they are overwhelmed, e.g., shutting down, checking out, feeling more irritable, and give an "out" option 

  • Encourage and support healthy boundary-setting

  • Check in, e.g., “How are you feeling now? Still ok or too much?”

  • Respect their own time for recovering

    • It is in no way a rejection of people around them 

    • Imagine being hungover and how helpful a quiet, restful environment can be extremely helpful in feeling like yourself again

• Environment 

  • Changes can be difficult for HSPs since there is comfort in the familiar environment and routine. Things, such as moving, new jobs, or even traveling may be a lot for HSPs

  • Importance of a calm environment

    • Have at least a part of a room, where there is softer lighting, minimal noise, and soothing items around (e.g., favorite scents, stuff animals, pillow/blanket)

    • If a non-HSP wants to watch a loud, action movie, check in with the HSP and/or offer to use headphones or watch in another room

  • Be supportive through the change process and check in with them

    • Remind them you can help them with the process

• Caring for Yourself (as a non-HSP)

  • Your needs matter

  • Be honest and transparent about your needs, e.g., “I think I need more social time.”

  • It can be hard to feel like you are walking on eggshells at times

    • Be honest and clear in your communication to create more understanding of their sensitivity and your limits

  • If you feel stressed with/in the relationship, it may be a sign to readjust boundaries or get additional support, i.e., mental health support through trusted loved ones or therapy

All in all, the world is especially overwhelming these days. While HSPs experience it at a more intense level, non-HSP also experience it. At the end of the day, take care and be gentle with yourself in this chaotic world.

If you want more support in your mental health journey, feel free to reach out to us.

This article was written with the support of Perplexity AI as a drafting tool.

Stay tuned. The next topic is TBA.

Written by Elena Duong, Psy.D.

Edited by Susanna La, Ph.D.