Honoring Your Love and Grief After Pet Loss

Today is Rainbow Bridge Remembrance Day. But really, remembrance doesn't have to be confined to just one day. We carry our pets with us in the ordinary moments, memories, and reminders that continue long after they are gone. If you’re reading this, you may be remembering a beloved pet today and reflecting on the love and loss you continue to carry.

Understanding Pet Grief

Grief is deeply personal to each person and losing a beloved pet can bring its own distinct experiences of loss. Because your relationship with your pet is unique, the grief you experience after their loss will be unique to you, too. Our grief reflects the bond we shared, the role they played in our lives, and the meaning they held for us.

Our pets are a meaningful part of our everyday lives. They are there for our routines, our quiet moments, our celebrations, major life transitions, and a source of comfort on our happiest and most difficult days. When they are gone, their absence can be felt in ways that are both deeply emotional and surprisingly ordinary—an empty bed, a leash that is no longer needed, a favorite spot on the couch that stays empty, or the quiet that fills the home when they are no longer there.

The Complexity of Pet Loss

Pet loss can bring its own challenges, making grief particularly complex. We are grieving our best friend/family member/soul animal while also experiencing a loss others may not fully understand or recognize. This can leave us feeling pressure to “move on” or questioning why we are still grieving. There is no set timeline for grief, and no right amount of time to mourn someone who's so meaningful to us.

Guilt can also be a significant part of pet loss, especially when we have had to make difficult decisions about our pet’s care or end of life. We may replay those decisions, wonder if we could have done something differently, or question whether we did enough. These thoughts are a painful part of grief, and meeting them with compassion can be an important part of the grieving process.

Making Room for Grief and Living with Loss

Below are gentle ways to care for yourself as you grieve:

• Make space for the waves of grief

  • At times, you may feel sadness, anger, loneliness, numbness, regret, relief, peace, and bittersweetness

  • Give yourself permission to laugh at one memory and then cry the next

  • Your emotions may shift from moment to moment and that is okay

• Acknowledge your guilt with compassion

  • You may find yourself replaying the last moments with your pet, especially when difficult end-of-life decisions were involved like euthanasia

  • Try to meet these thoughts with compassion rather than judgment knowing how this decision was made with love and pain

• Find ways to stay connected with your pet

  • Creating a memorial, memory box, or collection of photos, collars, or other meaningful items can provide a way to honor your pet and maintain a sense of connection

• Stay connected with others

  • Grief can feel isolating when others don't fully understand the depths of pet loss.

    • Reach out to people who have experienced pet loss and let trusted family, friends, or coworkers know what feels supportive and what does not

      • Helpful: “I know how much they meant to you”

      • Unhelpful: “You can get another one. It was just a pet”

• Take a break from grief when you need to

  • Making room for grief doesn't mean you have to be immersed in it all the time. It is okay to have moments of laughter, distraction, rest, or joy

  • Taking a break does not mean you are forgetting your pet or grieving any less

• Grieve. Remember. Reach out. Rest. Laugh. Cry. Take a break. Come back to the grief when you're ready

  
  

Try to let go of the expectation you “should be” done grieving by a certain time. Grief has no-set timeline, and sometimes the passage of time can make the loss feel harder in unexpected ways. Each day can also mean another day since you last saw them, heard them, touched them, or shared an ordinary moment together.

Perhaps our relationship with grief changes—not because the grief becomes smaller, but because we become more familiar with holding it. You don’t have to be “okay,” move on, or justify why your loss continues to hurt.

We don’t have to choose between remembering and moving forward. We can carry our grief while continuing to carry the love, memories, and connection we shared. If this blog resonated with you and you are looking for therapeutic support along your grief journey, feel free to reach out here. “Grief doesn't necessarily become easier with time; sometimes we simply become more familiar with carrying it.” -Dr. Susanna La

“Grief is complex, bittersweet, and uniquely mine.” -Dr. Susanna La

This article was written with the support of ChatGPT (OpenAI), used as a drafting and editing tool.

Stay tuned. The next topic is TBA.

Written by Susanna La, Ph.D.

Edited by Elena Duong, Psy.D.